LCO News: Tell us a bit about yourself.
Diane: So, first of all thank you for asking me to be interviewed, it’s an honor. I think the whole Elder Honoring seems weird to me because I don’t feel like I’m an Elder, I mean age wise, I’m clearly in the ballfield, but I just don’t feel that way. It’s kind of different for me.
So, in terms of my story, I was born to Mary Rose Fleming, Mary Rose Fleming-Sullivan at the time and Donald Sullivan. My father is Irish, my mother is Native American. She’s from LCO, and what that meant being Irish/Native is that I was screwed before I ever picked up my first drink and drug, in terms of not only the predisposition to substance abuse but the genetic piece of it. Genetic piece as well as the cultural piece on both sides.
My parents had six children and my parents met in the 50’s, as part of a relocation project, my mom was moved to northern Illinois right along Lake Michigan and my father was working for Johnson Motor OMC at the time and he was also an Army National Guard. So that’s how my parents met. They’re both from Wisconsin, my father is from Marshfield, and they got married and had six kids in seven years.
We used to get asked all the time ‘Were your parent’s Catholic or careless?’ They were probably both. So, my siblings, none of us were more than a year apart. We were all ten, eleven, or right at that twelve-month marker. So we grew up pretty close. My mom, her alcohol use, and my parents divorced in 1965, and my father got custody of all six of us, so he was 35 years old, raising six kids by himself under the age of ten and we lived in Waukegan, Illinois, and I think it was my seventh or eighth grade in middle school we moved out to Lake Zurich Illinois and that’s where we kind of all finished getting raised and growing up in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago.
So I graduated from high school there, I went to college in South Dakota for a couple of years, and then I found my own addiction. I was 19 years old, and my brother who was 11 months older than I was, was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. So that triggered my own drinking because back then you didn’t talk about losing that person, you didn’t talk about that person, you just shut up. So, my grief came out very sideways, and the way I handled it was by drinking and it didn’t take me very long to progress from recreational use to substance abuse. Most of my story is my life in recovery, I started drinking when I was 19 and I quit drinking when I was 23.
I got pregnant when I was 20. My son was born, and he was about 2 years old. I'll never forget, we were at home, I was finishing college at Ladysmith at the time and my mom ran a group home here for teenagers in recovery. She came down to visit us and we had this long driveway that turned down Highway A and you could see cars coming in the driveway. Well he saw her car slow down at the road, he went over to the closet, he was trying to get into the closet to get his little “go to grandmas bag”, and that just hit me like a ton of bricks because for the first time I realized I’m supposed to be the most important person in this child's life, and he doesn’t want to be around me. So that was my big wake up call. I would like to say I stopped drinking that day, but I didn't. My son went back up here with my mom, and for the first time in my life, I drank every day for a week. Otherwise, I could put maybe 3 or 4 days of not drinking together, but I couldn’t go a week. I drank for a solid week just because, as a mother, how do you handle something like that, and I didn’t handle it well.
That was in October, and then in December I just got to the point where I said ‘I’m done.’ I came up here and my mom had a talking circle, and I sat there. In that talking circle you had to say something, you couldn’t just pass the feather or the pipe or whatever we were passing around for that particular talking circle. I was going to say; ‘I’m glad to be home and to see everybody and I love you guys.’ I was going to pass it, and that night it was the eagle feather and I took that eagle feather and I said ‘I’m an alcoholic and I need help.’ Then my mom said ‘Now I can do something to help you,’ cause my mom got sober in 1970 when I was 13, she went to Hazelton, over in Center City, and she stayed sober from 1970 until she died in 1985. She had that gift of recovery, and she passed that down to me.
So that was the start of my recovery, in fact, December 13th I will have 42 years of recovery. That’s kind of been my life’s work, my life’s story. I’ve been a substance abuse counselor, I’m in my 38th year in the field. I remember someone once said: ‘Find a job that you like to do, and then it’s not work,’ and that’s exactly what I found. I did take a bit of a break. For some reason, at 57 years old, I thought it was a good idea to quit my job, move over to Center City and get my Master’s Degree in Addiction Counseling Advanced Clinical Practice. So, I quit school. Now, I graduated from College in 1982, at that time, computer monitors literally took up entire basements. 2016, I thought it would be a good idea for me to jump into grad school as a whole completely different animal. It was an amazing experience, and I graduated in 2017. I stayed there at Hazelton for a few years because I fell in love with their family program.
For me, that’s kind of like the missing piece, is that we don’t do a very good job with educating our family members about substance abuse disorders, and, you know, they’re angry with their person, and they don’t understand; why can’t you quit? Don’t you love your kids enough? Can’t you see what you’re doing? And they can, but they also have a change in their brain that occurred where the brain has a natural stop and go mechanism and what happens over time when people drink is that the stop button gets broken, and it doesn’t work, and that go button is wide open. So, the part of them that says at the beginning, you know, when they start experiencing problems, that part of their brain will tell them: hmmmmm you might want to slow your roll, remember what happened last time, your boss is going to fire you, but that go, (button), is stuck open and it’s Go! Go! Go! Go! So, we need to let our family members know that they love you, they love you as much as they ever did before you ever developed a problem.
They can’t stop until they make that decision to work, and I ask people that come to the group to change one thing; and the one thing I'm going to ask you to change is EVERYTHING. So that’s been my life’s work, I don’t see myself switching to my Bachelor’s Degree in English Education. That’s what I thought I was going to do, teach high school English and do the drama clubs somewhere at some high school. I actually never got in a classroom outside of my teaching assistance that I did when I was an undergraduate.
So, this is the work that I do and I have one son, I’m so very proud of him; he teaches at the University here at LCO. He has a PhD in Linguistics. He is the Faculty Chair of the Native American Studies Program. I have the four most beautiful grandkids in the world, I know everybody thinks their grandkids are the most beautiful, but mine really are. That tall drink of water that was here is the oldest, he was born the day after my birthday, so he was almost my birthday present almost 20 years ago. So that really is my life; working, and walking a traditional path. I pledged first degree Midaawin at the Round Lake Lodge in St. Croix.
LCO News: Have you lived at LCO your whole life?
Diane: No, I lived in Northern Illinois until I was 18, then I went to South Dakota for college for 2 years. Then that summer I found out I was pregnant, so I moved here to be closer to my mom. My son was really the healing link between me and my mom. I had a lot of resentments because of her drinking, I didn’t think she cared about us kids, she didn’t love us enough, and she wasn’t there when I needed her and I thought, I don’t need her now. Then when I got pregnant, I realized, I need a mom. I’ve been up here for 45 years, so I’ve been here way longer than the suburbs of Chicago.
LCO News: Where did you live before?
Diane: So I was born in Waukegan Illinois, where my parents met, my mom came down with several of her cousins and other family members. They all got jobs along those warehouses on the shores of lake Michigan, in the Northeastern part of Illinois. I lived there until I moved a little further west of there to the suburbs until I went to college in South Dakota.
LCO News: What community is your family from?
Diane: My mom’s family is from New Post, and we grew up on “The Hill”, what the Fleming family calls it where my grandparent’s house was built. That’s where they raised their 11 children. One of my uncles still lives there, and then one of my cousins lives up there. So that’s kind of where I’ve stayed. My mom was up there. We lived in the New Post area.
LCO News: What are some fond memories of growing up on the rez?
Diane: I think for me, I was already an adult, but the biggest thing for me was my father used to bring us up here for a week in the summertime, every summer. After my parents divorced, my father would take his 2-week vacation, with 6 kids, we would spend one week in Marshfield with his side of the family, then we would come up here and spend a week with my mom’s family. Part of the really cool thing was just getting that sense of how big my family was, I mean, six kids, it was a big family. My Uncle, I think they had ten or eleven kids. So, there were so many cousins that we played baseball, ran through the woods, built forts up on The Hill. When we went outside, it was the same thing as the suburbs, we stayed outside until the streetlights came on. Then, that was kind of your curfew, and then up here it was when it started to get dark, then we went inside because we didn’t play outside at night. So, we did all kinds of crazy things like ask my grandma for old blankets and get old sticks and boards to make forts in the woods. For me I guess my fondest memory was just seeing how big and how close my family is.
LCO News: Who were your friends back in the day?
Diane: My cousins. Yeah, my uncle Art, for every one of their kids, we had a kid the exact same age. So those were our best friends back in the day, which are kind of cousin siblings. They become your brother and sister. You become their kid’s auntie and uncle.
LCO News: What did you love the most about growing up on the rez?
Diane: Finding my spirituality, because in the recovery world, developing a relationship with a Higher Power is a big part of being able to stay sober. For me, it was finding that here. I was raised Catholic, I went to a Catholic School for the first seven years of my life, and I thought that was my identity; that’s who I was. Then my mom started walking a traditional road when she got sober, and she then slowly introduced that to her kids. All of us started to walk that way. I’ll tell you, the very first time I went to a sweat lodge ceremony, I was sitting in that sweat lodge praying, and for the first time in my life, I felt Somebody was with me. I never felt that. I never felt that in Church. I think that’s the biggest thing I love is the gift that the community and the people have given me, the spiritual way of life.
LCO News: What were some of the jobs you’ve held over the years, or what was your career?
Diane: Substance Abuse Counseling. I went to college to be an English teacher, then when I graduated from college and I came home, the first job I had was a breakfast cook at Ross’ Teal Lake Lodge, which is way out on 77. I would drive there to make breakfast for resort guests. That was my first job, then in 1985 my mom died of a Lupus related disease. At the time she passed away, she had about 3 or 4 foster kids in the family. So, I was encouraged by some of the people here to get my foster care license so those kids wouldn’t get re-traumatized. Then I lost my mom, they had been in several foster homes, so I got my Foster License. I think I was the youngest single person licensed by the Tribe and also got licensed by Sawyer County at the time, so that was kind of my second job. Then I worked for Indian Child Welfare for a year, and that was just too hard for me, just to see the conditions and how kids grew up. Having to remove them from the home just went against everything. Even if troubled as the parents might have been, those children were bonded, (with their parents). I did that for a year, then I went over to the clinic, and I started kind of like a drop-in Case Worker for the people that were trying to stay sober. Went and had coffee with them, took them to the probation office, took them to court if they needed to go to court, whatever; medical, (Take them) and stay there.
LCO News: Who inspired you most throughout your life?
Diane: My mom. I would say my mom. I think it’s interesting how full circle that went, in that she was my biggest resentment and then became my biggest role model. How I wanted to move through my life, as a woman, as a mother, as a grandmother. So, I would say my mom, and the second person is Mary Ellen Baker. She was my first supervisor in this field, and she was the Director of the Alcohol and Drug Program, they used to call it back then. At LCO, at the clinic. She really encouraged me to push myself in this field. The paperwork that you had to do back then to get sent to the state of Wisconsin, to do an oral interview and a written test, was pretty impressive. It took me a long time to get through the paperwork. She came into the office one day and said, ‘I’ve canceled all your appointments for the rest of the week.’, and she threw the application down on my desk and said; ‘I want these in my office by Friday.’. …and that’s what it took. She’s been a real big inspiration.
LCO News: In what ways were you involved with the community then, or now?
Diane: With my mom’s work in the group home, that was my first start with that kind of work. I would come up here from Ladysmith and be like a weekend relief house parent so she could get a break because it’s not easy with teenagers who had substance abuse issues. That was probably my first work with the community, working with the youth. Then I did a lot of volunteering with the “Trails Program” back then. Chaperoning trips, or just doing things with the kids here like Cane Dances, and all of those things. Then I kind of view the work that I’ve done has been giving back to the community, because what I found in recovery, I want everybody to have. I’m always a little surprised when someone doesn’t want it.
LCO News: Can you share your fondest memories of community involvement or in the workplace with us?
Diane: Some of my fondest memories are that to me it is always amazing that when there is a tragedy here, I remember one time the social worker, the Child Protection Worker from town lived on the reservation. She had a young daughter that wandered into the woods and got lost. This community pulled together with search teams and the woman provided food and coffee for all those searchers, and they found her in the woods. I just remember the sense of pride; everybody coming together for something that was pretty scary. The same with tragedies, is that whenever there is something horrible that happens here, is that this community pulls together and are there for each other. What I say about this place when people ask me what it’s like living on the reservation, I say it is the most devastatingly beautiful place to live, and I mean both of those words.
LCO News: I think you’ve already told us about your family, siblings, children and grandchildren, unless you’d like to elaborate a little more.
Diane: One of the things I love about my grandkids is that they speak the Ojibwe Language. They went to or are in still in school at Waadookodading, and they speak Ojibwe at home a lot, and that’s one of the biggest things for me. When I go to ceremonies, they’re my interpreters.
LCO News: What are your hobbies or sports that you participated in growing up?
Diane: I was always involved in music and theater in my jr. high and high school years. That’s when I thought I was going to teach high school. I was going to be a famous actress until I got pregnant, that kind of changed that. But then you could have been a famous pregnant actress. Ha ha ha, which I don’t know that they, (pregnant actresses), would have been very fond of. So that’s something I’ve always been involved with. Here, we had a community theater company in town called “Serendipity Productions”, and I was in several of those productions, then I also directed several of those shows. Some are big name family musicals.
LCO News: Do you still partake in those hobbies/activities?
Diane: I haven’t for a long time. I’d like to reconnect with and have reconnected with a couple of Board Members since I moved back. I moved back in August of ‘22. I’d like to reconnect and find out what I can do and what is available for that part.
LCO News: Have you developed any new ones?
Diane: No, this winter my goal is quilt making, learning how to make quilts. So that’s just an interest at the time. Yeah, well,I was diagnosed with cancer in July. As soon as I was diagnosed I Knew as per the Midaawin Lodge, that there’s usually a sign, or you have a dream or someone says they had a dream about you. So when I was diagnosed, I knew what I needed to go through, because that's when I went through midaawin the first time was after my first cancer experience. In 2004 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, so I knew the first thing I had to do was to give tobacco to those Ogichidaa, those men, tell them that I want to pledge, so part of what I have to do is for my second degree is to have ten blankets ready for this winter.
LCO News: What is one thing that you’ve learned over the years at LCO?
Diane: It kind of ties back in on how this community comes together, in that there are very sad, tragic, painful things that happen here. But then there is that other side where you can see that those community ties from a long time ago are still there. It hasn’t been broken, it’s a lot more threaded than it used to be. But it’s still there, and we’re still together.
LCO News: What advice would you share with the young ones of today?
Diane: I would tell them to put off making adult decisions as long as you can. Because you only have 18 years to be a child, and then when you turn 18, the world looks at you differently. Then you have 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of being a responsible adult. So be a kid as long as you can. Once you make adult decisions, you can’t undo them. Then there’s always staying away from drugs and alcohol, that’s not part of our teachings, it’s not a part of who we are and then like know your culture, know your history, know your language.